Skullgaffer's Crown
by LokiOfSassgaard
Summary: Loki is given a mission to retrieve a stolen crown, but he's more interested in getting a new pair of shoes and trying to get laid. Mostly, Leah is just bored. Bored enough to go along with him, and bored by his antics. Posted in chapters, because apparently FFN does not like 20k one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

Loki climbed up the side of the building, the soft leather soles of his boots scuffing against the cheap siding. He was glad that he was at least in Broxton, and not in New York, where buildings reached to the heavens and gave little in the way of footholds. At least in Broxton, even the tallest buildings were rarely higher than two or three storeys. Though a three-storey climb under the hot, summer's sun was still something of a trying task for a half-giant of the frost persuasion.

He pulled himself up along the gutter spout, digging his fingers into any small indent he could find. The window he needed to pry open was barely an arm's reach away, and hopefully unlocked. There was a small ledge beneath the window, which he thought he might be able to hold onto while he forced himself into the apartment. It was a small matter of leaping from the gutter spout to the ledge, though if he was honest, he could have been quieter about it. He hadn't meant to kick the side of the building, but it had the advantage of proving that the apartment was not empty. He could hear someone moving around inside, which meant he probably wouldn't have to pry the window open after all. He shifted his weight on his arms to free one hand and peered into the dark apartment. He saw no-one, but pounded his fist against the glass all the same.

"I know you're in there! Let me in!" he called out. "Please?"

He pounded on the window some more, losing a bit more of his already-tenuous grip with each strike. When finally the window was thrown open Loki lost what grip remained, and he fell back down to the ground with a startled yelp.

"What are you doing at my window, Loki?" Leah asked, leaning out just enough to see him where he lay on his back.

Loki gave her his winningest smile and sat up. "You weren't answering the door buzzer," he said.

"Because silly me. I thought you'd go away." Leah had moved out of her cave and into Broxton proper after heavy autumn rains had flooded much of the area the year before. More and more Asgardians were starting to leave Asgardia for Midgardian dwellings, and over the years, Broxton had become rather acclimated to their presence. So what if Leah wasn't Asgardian? The humans all thought she was, and from that she was able to find someone willing to rent to her with no documentation, and for payments of fine meats and treasures.

Loki still stayed in Asgardia. Not for any reasons of sentimentality, but because no human alive was willing to rent to him, unless he went very far away. And while he held no love for Asgardia or most of its people, he found himself unwilling to wander far for long.

"Well, I'm still here, as are you. Will you let me up?" Loki asked. He stayed on the ground, hoping not to seem too eager.

Leah took a moment to consider his question. She bit her fingernail as she thought, her eyes eventually wandering back over to the gutter spout.

"You can't come in, but you can sit in the window," she decided.

Loki dashed to his feet, forgetting all about not seeming too eager, and climbed back up the gutter spout. This time he knew where to grip and how to place his feet, and he was up to her window in less than a minute. He pulled himself onto the windowsill, dangling his feet over the side, and leaning back into the apartment.

"The answer is still no," Leah said as she walked away and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Still?" asked Loki. He shook his head. "No, that's not why I'm here. I come with glad tidings!"

"No you don't. You come with a mission." Leah sounded bored already. Loki wondered if he might be able to at least get her to smile by flinging himself from the window again. Looking down at the hard ground below, he wasn't sure it would be worth it.

"Well, that's glad, is it not?" asked Loki. He pushed his hair from his face and craned around to try to see Leah from his perch.

Leah sighed deeply as she returned from the kitchen with a bottle of Asgardian Ale in her hand. When Loki reached out for it, she took a drink and kept right on walking to the chair by the television. "Fine, what is it?" she asked.

"I don't know," Loki admitted. "I haven't actually spoken with the All-mother yet. They only said they wished to speak with me not twenty minutes ago."

Finally, Leah looked directly at him, but it was not with an sense of pleasure. "Then how do you know they mean to give you a mission?" she asked.

Loki shrugged. "Why else would they wish to see me?"

Leah rolled her eyes. "People have oft claimed you to be a genius, but I can't see where they get that idea."

"I've heard there's unrest in Svartalfheim," Loki said, ignoring Leah's insults. He swung his feet around so he was more inside than out. "Do you suppose that's where we are to be sent? I've not yet had to deal with the Dark Elves." He pulled his phone from his pocket and tried to Google Dark Elves, but all he got were hits from fantasy role play games. Nothing he didn't already know, then.

"Why do you think I'm going with you, anyway?" Leah asked.

Loki looked up from his phone, Dark Elves immediately forgotten. "Because you want to. Don't you?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful, and failing.

Leah sighed and watched Loki for a long moment. Neither said anything, but Loki did give her his best sad puppy dog eyes. They apparently worked, because Leah sighed again and got up.

"Fine," she said. "I'll meet you downstairs. I have to change."

Before Loki could ask what was wrong with the Midgardian skirt she was wearing, Leah planted her hand on his chest and pushed him back out the window. As he hit the ground, Loki's horned diadem fell off and clattered several feet away. Before he could get up to retrieve it, Thori rushed over from where Loki had left him (one more leash chewed or burnt through, Loki knew) and picked the golden diadem up and ran off with it again.

"Deathripper prevails!" he shouted. "Death to the godling!"

Loki leapt to his feet and chased after the monstrous dog for all the good he knew it would do. When Thori had still been a pup, Loki had foolishly thought he might be able to civilise the creature. Tame it, even. Now Thori was the size of a great Dane and showing no signs of taming, and Loki was stuck with the beast until someone finally put it out of Loki's misery.

"Thori, heel!" Loki called out.

"Make me, godling!" Thori shouted back. "Stop me if you can!"

Thori finally stopped in the middle of the street and dropped the diadem. Before it even happened, Loki knew what to expect next.

"No!" he shouted.

With Loki still paces behind, Thori cocked his leg and peed on the diadem, looking terribly pleased with himself for all a demon dog was able. Loki groaned loudly and stopped running. He stumbled over, frowning in disgust as he grabbed what was left of the chain leash he kept Thori on.

"Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!" he scolded, wagging his finger in Thori's face. Thori snapped at him, and Loki snatched his hand back with a startled yelp.

"Bad dog! Worst dog! Terrible dog!" Thori agreed, pulling hard against the leash. Loki yanked back on it even harder.

"Oh, shut up." Curling his lip in disgust, Loki bent to pick up his diadem, holding it with the very tips of his fingers, lest he be poisoned by hel-dog urine. He wouldn't be making that mistake twice.

"Here, you carry it," he said, thrusting the diadem back into Thori's mouth.

Thori spat it right back out onto the pavement again. "I do no man's bidding!"

"Volstagg's dragon has been looking very hungry lately. It must be terribly difficult to keep a beast like that fed. I'm sure every last morsel would be appreciated." Loki watched smugly as Thori bent to pick the diadem back up. He knew he could never bear to feed even Thori to the dragon, but Volstagg would without hesitation, and had even tried it once. The lasting effect it had on Thori suited Loki rather well at times.

"You should put a strap on that," Leah said from the side of the road. She'd traded the simple black skirt for a long, green dress, simple by Asgardian standards but finer than most Midgardian garments. It was Loki's favourite, though he never voiced that thought.

"And mess up my hair?" asked Loki. His hair was never not a mess, but he never seemed to notice the way it constantly hung in his face. He gave another tug to Thori's leash and led him off the road. The dog grumbled, but followed as Loki began walking down the side of the road toward Asgardia.

"Where's your car?" Leah asked. She fell into step beside Loki, completely ignoring Thori's growling and grumbling about being made to walk on a leash.

Loki looked away and cringed. "You know how they're digging that ditch to lay fibre optic cables, so Asgardia can finally get good internet?"

"Your car's in a ditch," Leah said. It wasn't even a question. It almost sounded like she expected that answer.

"I suppose that's one way to put it." It wasn't even a particularly nice car — just an old Ford that Loki had traded a few pieces of gold for. But now it was a completely useless car until the work crews came back to find it in their way and dragged it out with one of their diggers.

On the plus side, he was pretty sure he saw Leah try to hide a smile, so it wasn't a complete loss. They walked down the empty highway, with Loki doing most of the talking as he rambled on about the DnD group he was in. It was Jeff's turn to DM, and he was surprisingly good at it. Then again, he of most people in Broxton had first-hand experience with creatures of the dark. Leah didn't seem to care either way, but that had never stopped Loki before. Especially when the alternative was walking five miles in awkward silence.

There were no more ruins of fallen Asgard below Asgardia. Loki alone had been sad to see them go, because it meant he had to relocate up to Asgardia proper. He'd liked his crumbling tower, far away from everyone else. He'd had just enough time to salvage his belongings before everything was finally dragged away. Something about restless spirits. Loki hadn't really been paying attention. Now there was just a large dirt patch beneath Asgardia, where grass still struggled to grow. Except for at early dawn and late dusk, the entire area was cast in dark shadow, which had been another reason Loki liked living there. There were countless places to hide, both himself and objects he wished to keep to himself. Now he had his own chambers, which weren't nearly as cramped and precarious, but at the cost of also being easy to get into. But that wasn't where he needed to be at present.

Loki expected to find the All-mother in the throne room, or perhaps one of Asgardia's many stunning gardens, but they were not to be found in either place. Luckily, there was no shortage of people who knew that the All-mother wished to speak with Loki most urgently, leading him finally to one of the old treasure rooms. He pulled Thori as close to a "heel" as he could manage, but he really needn't have bothered. Everything in the large room had been thrown about, with pedestals broken, pillars smashed, and priceless artifacts shattered and crumpled.

"Wow, what happened here?" Loki asked, perhaps a bit more curiously than he should have done.

"That is precisely what we wish to speak with you about, Loki," Freyja said. She stood beside an over-turned chest with Gaea and Idunn on her either side. One side of the chest had been hacked through with some sort of blade, but it was being thrown to the ground which finally caused it to spill its many golden contents across the floor.

Loki was so busy looking around the absolute chaos of the treasure room that it took him a moment to catch Freyja's implication.

"You suspect I did this?" he asked, looking to her suddenly. "I admit, chaos is in my nature, but I do not go around wantonly destroying property because it amuses me. And besides, it could not have been me anyway. I was not even in Asgardia last night."

"I can attest to that," Leah said from behind him. She rarely spoke up for him, and Loki could not help but smile widely when she spoke. Of course, she had to keep speaking after that. "He spent the greater part of last night trying to convince me to have sex with him."

Loki's smile vanished at once as he shot Leah an incredulous glare. Did she really have to mention that part out loud? He'd known he couldn't possibly hide Thori and Leah forever, but he sometimes wished he had managed it.

"Do not think us so foolish, Loki. We know your character well, and you never carry out your own misdeeds," Idunn said.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. I carry out plenty of misdeeds on my own," Loki said before he could stop himself.

Freyja hummed almost sceptically at that. "You were just in Alfheim last week, were you not?"

Freyja knew that he was, because it was the All-mother who sent him there on a mission most dire.

"I picked up a rather stunning pair of boots, of the seven-league variety there," Loki said. It occurred to him only then that if he'd worn them on his trip into Broxton, getting up to Leah's apartment would have been far less of an ordeal.

"We did not send you to Alfheim to steal from the royal family, Loki," Gaea said sternly. She was always the one to be most patient with Loki, and if she was even annoyed by this, he must have done something very wrong indeed.

It was then that he recognised the chest that had been hacked apart and thrown to the ground. It was of elven construction, and should have been warded against being broken into in such a beastly manner.

"That chest," Loki started almost nervously, for he felt he knew the answer even before he asked the question. "It wouldn't have happened to have once contained any, shall we say, irescued/i pieces of enchanted elvish jewellery or finery, would it? Maybe a crown, perhaps? Of unimaginable power?"

The All-mothers' silence was as good as any confirmation. Loki sighed.

"Yes, I get it. Retrieve the crown before the fallout of my actions dooms us all," Loki said tiredly.

He didn't wait for the All-mother to dismiss him, and with a sharp tug of Thori's leash, he turned to leave. Leah and Thori both followed him as he wound a convoluted path from the treasure room to his chamber. Once the door was securely closed, Loki let Thori off his leash and with the the practise of years, ignored the Hel-dog as it ran about singeing and snapping at everything. Using an old shirt to shield his skin, Loki picked up his diadem from the ground and threw it into the washroom sink (gods bless Tony Stark and his gift of indoor plumbing).

"So, what was stolen in your name this time?" Leah asked. She dodged around Thori, narrowly avoiding the hem of her dress catching fire.

Loki didn't look up as he emptied half a bottle of washing-up liquid into the sink. "A crown of power. Odin seized it early in his reign, when some terrible elf thought he might use it to enslave the Nine. It grants the wearer absolute power over their subjects." He turned on the tap and filled the sink with scalding hot water and a mountain of soap suds.

"How is that any different from any other crown?" asked Leah. She sat down on his bed and picked up the hand-held gaming device from the bedside table. Though she never powered it on, she pressed a few of the buttons anyway.

As long as she didn't mess up any of his saves, Loki didn't care what she did. At the moment, he was too busy removing his leather gloves and rolling up his sleeves so he could scrub every last trace of Hel-dog off his diadem.

"It's not symbolic," he explained. "It literally makes the wearer unable to be challenged by any under the kingdom's rule. Very frightening in its power, but also very sloppy and full of loopholes." He picked up a rag from beside the sink and started scrubbing. The water was a bit too hot, but he feared if it wasn't, he might not get the metal clean enough. "For one, it only protects while it's being worn. For two, it only protects against the kingdom's subjects. Which is how Odin came to have it. The elves never dared even attempt to conquer Asgard, which meant Odin was able to challenge the elves."

"I can see why this would be a problem," Leah said.

"A terribly big problem," Loki agreed. "What concerns me most however, is not the crown, but the chest that held it. I have one under my bed, and they cannot be broken into."

He let the temptation dangle as he continued scrubbing his diadem. Sure enough, Leah's curiosity got the better of her after a few moments, and she dropped down to the floor to pull the chest out from under Loki's bed. It was a small one, with three keyholes on the front, and very securely locked.

"What's in it?" Leah asked.

Loki smirked. "Open it up and see."

She sat back on the bed and tried to pry the latch open with her fingers, but she couldn't even get her fingernails underneath it for leverage. Not a single piece of it so much as wiggled, no matter how hard she tried force it open. Giving up on the brute force, she tried to wind her magic into the locks, searching out the tumblers to force it open, only to receive a sharp jolt of electric pain for her troubles.

"Ow!" she said, dropping the chest to the floor, where it sat innocently.

Loki smirked some more. "It can only be opened with the correct amount of keys in the correct order. You can burn it, smash it, run over it with a Midgardian tank, and it will not open. It's completely breaking-into-proof."

"Then how did the one holding the crown come to be smashed on the floor?" asked Leah.

Loki frowned. "I don't know," he admitted. "There are blades which are so sharp, they can cut through anything. Time, space. Magic. I even know of one nearby. But that chest was not hacked with an executioner's axe. There would be little left if it were."

He pulled his diadem out of the water and shook it off before sliding it back onto his face. Turning round, he gave Leah a toothy smile, though the effect was rather ruined by soapy water dripping down his face.

"Very nice," Leah said flatly. It was clear she didn't mean it, but Loki took it to heart all the same. He put his gloves back on and walked over to the door with long strides.

"What do you say, BFF? Journey with me to Alfheim and save the worlds once more?"

Leah rolled her eyes and stood. "As if I have a choice."

Loki grinned widely. "Of course not. Let's go!"

With Thori locked safely locked away where the only things of worth he could destroy were things Loki had stolen from someone else, Loki and Leah were free to sneak about Asgardia without being seen. They wound through corridors and cut through halls, making an indirect path that wove and doubled back upon itself more than once. Though their mission was an official one, they were still headed for places they were not meant to be; rooms long-since sealed shut to protect the realms from what lie within.

And though the doors may have been sealed by Odin himself, there was one in Asgard who was far more crafty and cunning. Loki of old was long dead, but he had been more crafty than anyone had anticipated, and had left endless clues behind for any new self of his. Evil Loki may have been evil, but at least he hadn't left his younger self without a few notes on how to proceed. It had taken some time to decipher the clues, and there were still many more to be found, but the effort had been well worth it. The ability to be anywhere he wanted, and nowhere he didn't had been perhaps the most useful thing Loki's past self had ever passed down.

"And you should be using it for some grander purpose."

The flutter of wings distracted him from his task, causing him to lose sight of the shadow he was trying to manipulate.

"Shut up. Not now," he muttered.

Beside him, Leah sighed. "I've told you; the bird's not real."

"He is. He's right—" Loki pointed over his shoulder to where Ikol was perched, but the bird had flown off already. "You've frightened him away again."

"Loki," Leah said with a sort of patient exasperation. Loki liked it not one bit.

"Whatever. All girls and birds just stop talking. I have to concentrate." Loki focused again on the shadow on the wall, staring into the untold depths of the small crack between two bricks. This trick got easier each time Loki tried it, but it wasn't even close to becoming second nature yet. He still had to search for that tiny pinprick of absolute blackness in a sea of almost and nearly black. When finally he found it, he reached out to take Leah's hand in his and guided her through the blackness and to the other side. The first time he'd tried that trick, he expected to be surrounded by all number of demons and monsters, but all he found was blackness and more blackness.

The walk through the shadow lasted only a moment, and they were soon on the other side of the wall, inside the sealed vault. The items here were all alive with magic, dark and powerful, and many seemed to be calling out in their silent language. Loki and Leah ignored them as they walked down the centre of the room, giving each plinth as wide a berth as possible. Loki half-expected to hear Ikol's treacherous voice in his ear, but the magpie remained frightened away. And for that, Loki was grateful.

Finally, they came to the object of Loki's search. A once-mighty axe, now broken and crumpled, lay in the shadows in the back of the room. Though it had borne the brunt of Mjolnir's force, it was no dead object.

"I hate this thing," Loki said. He held his hand out just above the axe's blade, not daring to touch touch it. He could feel its energy radiating outward, a dark evil still searching for someone through which to channel its powers. Loki knew, even then, that the axe had not been moved in a very long time.

"I don't like it either," Leah said. She reached her hand out, but Loki quickly reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"Don't touch it. It's evil," he said.

Leah pulled her hand away. "I'm not going to touch it, you idiot. I want to see it."

With a shrug, Loki let her go and watched as she examined the axe with her own magic, keeping her fingertips just a hair's breadth away from the still-gleaming blade.

"No wonder it's evil. There's a soul trapped inside it," she declared.

Loki scoffed. "I hate people who put their souls inside things. Nothing good ever comes of it."

"You have a lot of hate today," Leah said. She stepped away from the axe and looked away from it.

"Yes, well. My dog defiled my horns, and my girlfriend pushed me out a window," Loki reasoned.

"I'm not your girlfriend," Leah said flatly.

"Fine." Loki crouched down to examine the axe more closely. "Well, I was right. This axe was not used to break open the chest. For one, it's still here, and for two, Asgard is not presently in the midst of an insane psycho-killer murder spree."

Leah gave Loki a concerned look. "That's encouraging."

Loki nodded back toward the front of the room and started walking in that direction. "Why does it have a soul in it? I do hope we're not looking for an evil knife powered by the soul of a forsaken child. That would ruin my day."

"No, there were layers of magic in it," Leah said. She matched Loki's strides as they walked back through the room, ignoring as much in it as they could. "The soul is what makes it evil, but I think the ability you spoke of is something separate. It almost felt as if it had been blended of several weapons."

"How very curious." In the dark vault, it was easier to find that spot of pure black and step into it. Loki once more took Leah by the hand and led her back out to the corridor. He stepped out of the shadows and right into something very tall and very solid. And very angry.

"Thor," Loki said, his voice cracking harshly. He blamed it on the surprise of coming face-to-face with Thor so suddenly, cleared his throat, and tried again. "Thor! What brings you to this dusty old corridor?" He tried to move Thor, but somehow just by standing still, Thor made that impossible.

"I would ask you the same question, Loki," Thor said.

Loki considered telling the truth, because Thor never did believe it, and it always annoyed him, but it somehow felt like it would be pushing his luck this time.

"I was, uhm." Loki bit his lip and made himself blush and threw a very quick glance back to Leah. "I just wished to show my ifriend/i some of the treasures. We weren't touching anything! Honest!"

He hunched in on himself, as if trying to make himself seem smaller and less like an acceptable target to hit. And it worked like a charm. Thor sighed and even relaxed his stance.

"There are safer places to show off for your little filly," he said. He grinned and reached out to tousle Loki's hair, from which Loki leaned away just enough to be playful. Loki didn't even have to be looking at her to know Leah was glaring at him. He could ifeel/i it.

"Go. You should not be here," Thor said. He finally stepped out of the way, and Loki wasted no time in leaving before Thor changed his mind.

"You bastard," Leah said as soon as they were out of earshot.

"What? He was most annoyed," Loki defended. "If he knew why we were in there, I would have been little more than a smear on the wall. He trusts me less and less these days."

"Does that have anything to do with you being more and more of a jackass?" Leah asked.

Loki frowned and ignored her. He walked back up toward his chambers, cutting a more direct path this time. He stopped at his door and pressed his ear against it, listening for the sounds of Thori destroying his things. He heard nothing, so either the dog was alseep, or had escaped again.

Maybe if Loki was very lucky, Thori would have escaped into Volstagg's dragon kennel.

Either way, it sounded safe to enter, so Loki unlocked the door and slipped inside. Loki was not lucky, for Thori had torn up the bed again and was sleeping in a pile of down feathers.

"Why are we back here?" Leah asked quietly.

Loki held up a silencing finger and snatched up his stolen boots. With a quick check to make sure Thori was still asleep, he shooed Leah back out to the corridor and locked the Hel-dog back inside.

"Well, there's hardly a mystery here, is there? The crown was taken because I stole these boots last week," Loki explained with a cocky grin. "We'll take them back and request that they return the crown for safe-keeping. Simple!"

Leah frowned. "Then why did we go to the vault, if you already had a plan?"

Loki shrugged. "I don't know how the chest was broken into. Perhaps we can ask when we return the boots."

Leah was less than impressed, and didn't even try to hide it. She stared blankly at Loki, as if waiting for more of an explanation. When none came, she waved him on. "Go on, then. Let's go to Alfheim."

Loki grinned widely and spun on his heel. "You'll love it. It's absolutely terrible. It's great!"

"Which is it?" Leah asked, shaking her head and trying not to sigh.

"Terrible-great!" Loki said.

This time, Leah did sigh. The two of them walked through Asgardia to where Yggdrasil stood, like a mighty sentinel watching over all of creation. It was always the most difficult part of these schemes and missions the All-mother sent Loki on. Not the travelling, exactly, but getting to that point. Yggdrasil wasn't exactly guarded, but it was constantly watched, and by more than just Heimdall. After years of schemes with Yggdrasil itself used as a tool or a weapon, more than just Asgardia were wary of Loki travelling between the realms.

Not that the wariness of others ever stopped him, nor would it now. Confident no-one had seen their approach, Loki and Leah took to the mighty ash's boughs with the ease that comes with years of practise. Knowing right where he needed to be, Loki didn't even have to search for the right branch. They climbed out over one of the lower branches as far as they could before leaping off it, one after the next.

While they leapt from high above the Oklahoma plain, they landed with hardly any force in a sprawling meadow, full of flowers and honeybees. Alfheim was cloying with its oneness with nature. Everything was in bloom, and birds and small woodland creatures tittered about, heedless of any who walked the paths below. It rather gave Loki the impression that any one of the bright, colourful flowers would suddenly spring to life and devour him where he stood.

"No devouring today, please," he said aloud.

"What?" asked Leah.

Loki pointed at a large pod-like plant, with pink and yellow leaves sticking out in every direction. "I am fairly certain I saw one of these in some cinematic feature recently. It was not terribly friendly."

He gave the plant a wide berth, not taking his eyes off it until he was well beyond the plant's theoretical reach.

"So, what's the plan?" Leah asked, frowning at a squirrel that was behaving far too friendly toward them. She tried to shoo it away with her foot, but it did little to actually frighten the animal away. If anything, it only made it more curious about them. "Are we really going to just walk in and offer to trade the boots you stole from them for the crown Odin stole from them?"

Loki gaped exaggeratedly at her. "Of course we are. How can it possibly fail?"

They quickly came to a path that led through the cheery little forest, where cheery little birds perched on cheery little branches and sang cheery little songs. It was like being stuck in an obnoxiously musical Disney movie.

"How does anyone live here?" Leah asked.

Loki looked up at a bird and frowned at it. "Ear plugs," he suggested. "Whoever started the first company which produced them must be a billionaire. The realm has its nicer qualities, though. I assure you. When they figured out what chocolate is, they began making German and Swiss chocolates look like kitchen accidents. They have some of the best ale houses as well."

"Perhaps it's not so bad. You're going to get us some, right?" Leah said as she inspected a frighteningly large fern.

Loki grinned widely at her and jogged ahead. "Come on! It's just this way!"

Leah followed after, not quite making an effort to keep pace, but not wanting to fall too far behind, either. The path through the forest led down a gentle hill to a magnificent city below, nestled between the mountains, and built over a wide river. The entire city was one giant bridge across the river, with each stone cut and laid so perfectly that everything appeared to be carved from a single mountain.

"Can you swim?" asked Loki stiffly.

Leah glanced over at him. "Yes. Why?"

"Good." Loki said nothing more and marched with purpose down the hill and to the city.

Loki and Leah made it no further than the eastern gate. Loki's plan of simply walking in was halted by a guard in a royal uniform, with gold stitching and ribbons against white fabric. Loki grinned up at him and bowed facetiously.

"We wish to speak with King Halfi," Loki said.

"Go away," the guard told him.

Loki's smile didn't even falter. "I'm afraid this matter is of utmost importance, from the All-mother herselves. It concerns the matter of artifacts stolen from Alfheim, both recently and in the distant past."

Loki held up the boots he'd stolen and nudged Leah hopefully. Leah nudged him back, a bit harder, but the guard saw none of it because he was too busy rolling his eyes.

"So, you see, my speaking with King Halfi is in everyone's mutual interest," Loki continued.

Before Loki could say any more, the guard grabbed him by the arm and pulled him through the gate. Loki put on a good show, stumbling and struggling to keep up, and occasionally actually stumbling and nearly falling to the ground as he struggled to keep up. Leah walked along beside them, quietly curious to see where this would lead, and contemplating leaving Loki behind if he got thrown into the dungeons. At least for a few days, anyway.

The guard brought them to the large throne room. The ceiling above was a high dome, with intricate molten-gold knots painted on the white stone. The guard shoved Loki forward so that he stumbled, but Loki recovered easily and made a show of dusting off his shoulders and straightened his horns on his forehead.

"Halfi," Loki greeted happily.

Halfi's gaze fell immediately to the boots Loki held.

"Experiencing a touch of guilt, Loki?" he asked with a smug smirk.

"Almost always, but not right now," Loki said candidly. He lifted the boots to look at them before handing them over to Leah. "You're very busy, I'm sure, so I'll be brief. I have been sent to return that which I borrowed without permission, in exchange for the return of the Skullgaffer's Crown."

Halfi's eyebrows rose to almost impossible heights, though the rest of him remained perfectly neutral.

"… Which you didn't realise was missing until just now," Loki guessed aloud.

Halfi clicked his tongue and shook his head. "And you think I took it?" he asked.

"No," said Loki. "I was going on the assumption that you sent someone else to take it. Are you sure that's not what happened?"

"Even if it were," said Halfi slowly as he stepped closer to Loki. Loki backed away to stand next to Leah, but Halfi continued walking closer, stopping only a step away from them. "We would have only been reclaiming that which Asgard had stolen from us first."

"Asgardia," Loki corrected.

"Is it, now?" asked Halfi. He reached out and took the boots from Leah and turned his back to both of them. "Thank you for returning these, at least. Now leave this realm and do not come back."

Loki pouted at Halfi's back, too put out to even share jabs with him.

"Was that what was supposed to happen?" asked Leah.

"No," said Loki. He glanced over to the guards, who seemed eager to throw them both out of the palace. "Let's go. Something's not right." He walked out of the throne room before any of the guards could throw him out, focused more on what had just happened than where he was going.

—

Leah didn't like to stay in Asgardia much longer after sundown, and Loki couldn't really fault her for it. He didn't like to stay in Asgardia either, but he had few other places to go. He told himself that was the reason he still kept Thori. With such an unpleasant dog around, no-one would be foolish enough to try to break into his rooms while he slept.

Whether that was the case, or simply because no-one could be bothered, he wasn't actually sure. But he liked to think that if he was going to inspire emotion in his peers, they would at least be strong enough emotions that they might want to try to break into his rooms.

Loki lay on his still-torn-up bed, looking up at the ceiling while Thori chewed and clawed at the chest Loki ordinarily kept under his bed. After two hours of trying to break into it using every means of magic he knew, Loki grew tired of his own spells backfiring on him, and he threw the chest to the ground in defeat. Thori was all too happy to try to tear the thing apart, but if his occasional yelps were anything to go by, the chest also bit back.

A heavy knock suddenly came from the door, followed by Thor calling out Loki's name.

"What?" Loki called back.

Almost cautiously, Thor pushed open the door and peered inside. He paused briefly at the threshold, and then let himself in.

"Where is that little filly of yours?" he asked.

"My what?" asked Loki. He shook his head when he realised. "She went home, like she always does."

"Oh." Thor didn't seem to know what to make of that, which was fine, because Loki didn't either. Not really. Thor invited himself over and sat down on the edge of the bed, resting Mjolnir by his feet. He looked over like he was about to say something, but quickly became side-tracked when he saw the magic burns, etched like lightning bolts, running along Loki's fingers and up his hands and wrists.

"Loki, what have you done to yourself?" Thor asked.

Loki shrugged tiredly and waved a hand at Thori, who snarled and yelped in rapid succession. "We're trying to break into my chest," Loki explained.

Thor frowned in that way he did when he didn't understand what was said to him. "Have you lost the keys?" he asked.

"No. I just wanted to see if it could be done." Loki studied the magic burns on his hands, fairly certain that the answer was a very firm 'no.'

Thor's frown didn't fade, but he did get up and walk over toward Thori. The dog growled at him, but quickly backed away when Thor raised his fist threateningly. Thor picked up the small chest and brought it back over to Loki. It was completely free of any evidence of having been used as a chew toy by a Hel dog. Loki took the chest from Thor and turned it over in his hands, hoping to find any sign of strain or weakness, but it looked like it had the day it first came into his possession. Loki shifted his gaze between the chest and Thor, wondering if he was having one of his dumber ideas. Finally, he handed it back to Thor and nodded.

"Try it," he said.

Thor looked down at the chest. "Here? Are you certain?" he asked.

There was plenty of space, even with all of the clutter Loki had accumulated over the last few years. "Why not," he said. "What's the worst that could happen?"

With a shrug, Thor stood and picked up Mjolnir again. He walked to the centre of the room and put the chest down on the ground. Loki sat up curiously, eager to see what would happen, and thinking it might even be worth the awkward conversation that would follow if Thor managed to succeed in breaking into the chest. Thor turned so that he faced Loki, with the chest on the floor between them, and hefted Mjolnir in his hand. Loki bit his lip and grinned eagerly, which only seemed to bolster Thor's eagerness. Grinning as well, Thor raised Mjolnir and brought the hammer down on the chest with a force that could crush even an Asgardian's skull. But rather than smashing the chest into a million pieces, the force of the impact was echoed back, shooting energy out in all directions. It threw Thor back, sending him crashing into a desk and breaking it in two. Loki was thrown from his bed and into the far wall, along with Thori, who ran and hid as soon as he found his feet again.

Loki pulled himself up, leaning on the edge of the bed to keep his balance. Still sitting in the middle of the room was the chest, as if the entire room had not just been nearly blown to pieces.

"It's still there, Thor," he said.

Thor staggered to his feet, kicking part of the desk away. "Damned elven magic," he said, stalking toward the chest. He kicked the chest across the room and nodded smugly.

Loki sighed. "Well, that was informative," he said, not even sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

Thor chuckled and sat back down on the bed. "I don't know what you're up to this time, Loki. I know it can't be good, and I think I should be glad that your experiment failed."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Just because I am curious about a matter doesn't mean I am up to something."

Thor only smirked knowingly at him.

"All right fine. I'm up to something. But it's nothing terrible, I promise," Loki said. "And it would be over a lot sooner if my experiment had worked."

Thor reached out and rested his hand on the back of Loki's neck. "Then I am glad it failed," he said fondly. He ruffled Loki's hair and got up again.

Loki leaned away and batted a hand out. "Clean up this mess you made."

"It was your experiment. You clean it," Thor said. He walked out of the room, leaving Loki unsure if he should be annoyed or not. Mostly, he was annoyed that he hadn't been able to get Thor to clean up the mess that had already been there, let alone the one Thor had made.

With Thor gone, Loki got up again and walked over to inspect the chest. It hadn't a scratch on it, neither from Mjolnir nor from being kicked across the room. He tapped his fingers on the polished wood of its lid while he thought. Magic didn't work. Neither did brute force. But he wasn't yet out of options. He took the chest back over to his bed and opened one of the drawers beside it. It was full of all manner of junk and trash, but amid the video game disks and old Snickers wrappers, Loki found a small leather pouch. He unrolled it and laid it out, taking a moment to find just the right pick to use on the locks. He wasn't even sure if the locks themselves were magic, but he supposed he'd find out soon enough.

He took the most delicate of his tools and slowly worked them into the centre lock. Nothing immediately shocked or stung him, and he could feel the tumblers inside yielding easily to the thin wires he used to pick the lock. But no matter how carefully he worked, or how sure he was he'd finally arranged everything, he never managed to make everything click into place. It was almost as if the lock itself was fluid, and constantly shifting against him.

Finally, he gave up and tossed his tools back down with the rest. At a loss for other options, Loki peered into the lock, but saw nothing on the inside. Just blackness. He cast a cautious glance around him then, as if anyone might be watching. He found only Thori, chewing on Loki's only other pair of boots.

"Open," he commanded it. Somehow, he wasn't entirely surprised that nothing happened.

"Alakazam. Abracadabra. Hocus Pocus. Open sesame. I command you to open!" Still nothing happened.

"You stupid piece of junk," he grumbled as he tossed it aside. The chest bounced easily across his bed and sat there as if it hadn't indirectly become the biggest pain in his neck all week.

He was out of options and he knew it. Almost out of options. Out of options he was willing to pursue. He wasn't quite desperate enough to go grab the Bloodaxe and hack his way into the chest just to prove that he could. Yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki stabbed his eggs with a crispy slice of bacon and smeared the yolk all across his plate. He liked to get his hashbrowns good and eggy before he even started eating them, but the new cook at Bill's Diner wasn't the best, and always managed to overcook the eggs.

Across the table, Leah quietly sipped on a vanilla milkshake while she pretended to read the morning's newspaper. Loki knew she wasn't reading it, because she hadn't flipped the page since they sat down nearly twenty minutes earlier.

"Do you want to go see a film? I believe there's one about a giant dragon-lizard right now," Loki said. He stuffed his eggy bacon into his mouth, eating the whole thing at once.

Leah looked up and gave him the least-convinced look he'd ever seen on her face.

"Do I want to sit in a dark room with you for two hours?" she asked. She sighed and looked out the window with a hum. "Oh, let me think about that for a minute."

"Fine," Loki said.

Leah smirked at him over the rim of her milkshake, which Loki ignored with all his being. Every time he asked she found some snarky way to turn him down, but he thought that perhaps if he asked enough times, she'd run out of sarcastic remarks.

"Well, I'm going back to Alfheim again. We never did get to their alehouse." He picked up one of the small sausages with his fingers and ate the whole thing.

"No, you decided to go home and sulk," Leah said.

"Yes, well. No. No I didn't. I went home to conduct important experiments."

"And?"

Loki looked across the table at her, trying to determine just what game she was playing this time.

"And I'm going to go steal my boots back," he said.

Leah chuckled and took another drink of her milkshake. "I think I do want to see this. If nothing else, it might be funny."

Loki sneered at her and focused on his hashbrowns instead. Sometimes, he didn't know why he kept her around. Except for the whole having no friends on Asgardia thing, but that was a tiny detail.

They finished their breakfast with minimal sniping at one another and made their way back to Asgardia and Yggdrasil. Loki's car was still stuck in a ditch, which meant another long walk, but it was a pleasant day for it. The air was still cool, with a breeze that swept over the plain in the most stereotypical fashion, all with the threat of almost unbearable heat later in the day. Luckily, they weren't going to be on Midgard when that happened. If Loki's plan went accordingly, they would be in an Alfheim alehouse after a spot of burglary. And even if Loki's plans didn't always go off without a hitch, he did tend to get what he wanted one way or another.

Once on Alfheim, they didn't take the same path they'd taken before. The guards would never let them back into the city, but the front gates weren't the only way in. The portion of the river the city was built over was wide and shallow, but with a swift current. They walked along the bank to the northern edge of the city, sticking to the shadows and underbrush as much as possible. There were few guards along the walls, but they took no chances. They sat beneath a large yew tree, watching for any signs of movement along the wall. As the sun set, the entire city seemed to twinkle and sparkle as lanterns were lit. It reflected off the water, lighting the whole area as if the sun were still low on the horizon.

"There are vents and grates in all the streets that open to the river," he explained. He looked over at Leah's heeled boots before turning his attention back out to the river. "Be careful to keep your footing. The surface is deceptive."

When he looked back at her again, it was to look her in the eye. He said nothing, but she nodded all the same, calm and confident and completely unmoved. With a smirk, Loki stood again and offered his hand, almost surprised when Leah took it. They stepped into the water, slowly walking out toward the centre. The riverbed was sandy, but it was a small mercy in the face of the current. Even with sure footing, Loki nearly lost his balance as the water came to his waist. He stopped and tried to right his balance, pulling hard against Leah as she pulled against him to keep her own balance.

"Can't you just teleport there?" she asked once they both stood still again.

Loki grinned widely at her. "Where's the fun in that?" he asked.

Leah rolled her eyes and started moving again. Each step they took was measured carefully. They dug their feet into the sand and leaned against the current, pausing at the end of each stride to regain their balance once more. At the deepest point, the water came up to their chests, making each step a full-body exercise. Though the water was cold as ice, neither Loki nor Leah were bothered by it. The river was one of seven that flowed from the mountains, and sometimes would carry snow and ice, even in the summer.

As they crossed the river, each step took them that much farther downstream, until they were beneath the city itself. From underneath, it wasn't the shining white stone as from above, but all moss and algae and small, spiny creatures clinging to whatever they could to keep away from the sunlight. They came to a round vent, several feet across, which opened up to a darker street above. Loki dug his heels into the riverbed, anchoring himself as well as he could before turning to Leah. Without bothering to explain his plan, he grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up so she could push the vent out of the way. As she leaned her weight into it, Loki nearly stumbled. He tried to correct his balance and leaned too far the other way, nearly taking Leah with him into the water. She grabbed the edge of the vent and held them both upright until Loki caught his balance again.

"That was close," he breathed heavily, watching the swirling water around his chest.

"Lift me up," Leah told him, very much not looking back down at the water.

Loki lifted her up through the open sewer hole and watched nervously as she disappeared from his sight. A few moments later, she returned with someone's bedsheet and lowered it for Loki to pull himself up with. He climbed up quickly and lay down on the flagstones to catch his breath. When he sat up again, Leah was trying to wring as much water from her dress as she could.

"That was fun," Loki said.

Leah flung what water she could at Loki and shook her head. "You're a lunatic," she said.

"You're the one who hangs out with the lunatic," Loki shot back.

He got up and tried to determine the best way to dry off, but leather breeches and scale mail weren't made for wringing out.

"I think I've ruined these pants," he complained.

"And your gloves," Leah pointed out.

Loki looked down at his black leather gloves and frowned. He liked those gloves, but Leah was right. They were good and ruined after that little stunt. He wasn't about to admit it, but he hadn't exactly thought that one all the way through. He shook the water off his hands as best he could and looked up at the city's tall towers.

"Aingard has no dungeons," said a familiar voice in his ear. Loki glanced over at Ikol, perched on his shoulder, and realised belatedly that dungeons weren't exactly possible in this city.

"No winding mazes of tunnels to hide treasures and trinkets in," Loki concluded. Even Asgardia had some earth beneath it to house dungeons. The city on the river had only river.

"What?" Leah asked.

Loki looked over at her, and then up to the tallest tower. "There," he said, pointing. "You hide your treasures in the most difficult place to reach."

Leah looked up at the tower as well. "I suppose Halfi would be foolish to unleash the crown's power so soon after stealing it. He'll have hidden it away until we forgot about it."

"Oh, yes. That too," Loki said. Ikol took flight and Loki followed after him, trusting the bird to lead them through the city. Their path wound almost randomly through shady alleyways and unoccupied buildings. Ikol didn't exactly seem to care that Loki and Leah couldn't fly over some of the high walls and taller buildings, and Loki lost sight of him more than once because of it.

The quiet road they were following ended abruptly when it came to the back of a large house with several dozen smaller apartments. Some of the windows had small balconettes, but even the lowest of them were too high to be easily reached. Without a word between them, Loki and Leah began searching around for anything that might help them. But along with its disgusting oneness with Nature, Alfheim was annoyingly clean and tidy, in even its most crowded of cities. There were no stray ladders, or stacks of boxes or barrels to climb on. Just bare flagstones and clean, sturdy walls.

"Don't you know where we're going?" asked Leah finally.

Loki looked up the wall in front of them. "No. I was following Ikol."

Leah didn't sigh and roll her eyes, but she was very close to it. Loki cast a glance in her direction and did sigh.

"Oh, fine. We'll do it your way," he said.

Before Leah could stop him, Loki pulled her close and held one arm tightly around her waist.

"Loki, wait," Leah protested.

He didn't wait. They were pulled in every direction at once, through a swirling void that erupted into a flash of bright light. The ground beneath their feet shifted, no longer the solid stone of the alleyway. Suddenly, the ground beneath them was steep and mossy, and almost slick.

Leah carefully pulled away from Loki, holding her hands out for balance so she didn't fall off the roof Loki had teleported them to.

"I hate you," she said breathlessly. "What was that for?"

Loki took a step away, nearly slipping himself. "I wanted to get a better look at the city," he said.

Five storeys above the streets was a fairly decent look, as they went. From up on the roof, he could see the streets winding and twisting around the buildings. Whether this city suffered from poor planning from the beginning, or if it had been the result of buildings being built and rebuilt over time was unclear. But either way, there was no straight path from where they stood to the tower keep. At least, not on the ground. Loki looked at the roofs, all covered in moss and grass, and how they all seemed to connect to more than one building. He grinned widely and pointed off toward the north.

"This way," he said with a grin.

The leather soles of his boots offered no grip or traction as he walked along the roof, but the thick moss muffled their footsteps. They weren't stepping as lightly as elves, but they weren't stomping about like ogres either. After a few steps, Loki stopped to let Leah catch up. He offered his hand, and was almost surprised when she took it.

"If I fall, I'm taking you with me," Leah said unexpectedly.

Loki frowned. "Falling would be bad," he agreed.

"Then you better hope I don't fall."

Loki moved closer to the top of the roof so they could grip the pointed edge. It wasn't much of a handhold, but they were slightly less likely to fall painfully this way.

Soon, the vaulted roof gave way to a flat terraced garden. Loki and Leah climbed over the balustrade and ran quietly along the path as it curved to the west, closer to their goal. At the end of the terrace, they came to another vaulted roof, this one even higher than the previous. Loki climbed up onto it first and once more offered his hand for Leah, but this time, she refused it. She climbed up after him, and the two made their way up to the top once again, quickly making their way along it.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" Loki asked.

Leah scoffed and stumbled. "Now?" she asked. "You're—? Yes. I'm getting dragged all across Alfheim when I could be watching the iGame of Thrones/i finale."

Loki looked back at her. "That was two nights ago," he said. He'd assumed everyone would have seen it by then, surely.

"I haven't got to it yet. I had other things to do." Leah stopped to un-snag the hem of her skirt from a small branch that was caught by the moss.

Loki snorted. "Like what? And Aingard is hardly 'all across Alfheim'."

He hopped over to the other side of the roof and slid down it. The bottom connected to a high wall, covered in thick vines which looked good for climbing. Leah followed after him despite her protests, out-pacing him as they climbed to another high terrace. From there, the path to the tower was a straight shot along a final vaulted roof. With a wide grin, Loki ran along the terrace and leapt to the roof, almost sliding off when he landed. He grabbed hold of the moss to stop his fall, pulling several tiles loose. Leah climbed up more carefully, stopping to help Loki back to his feet before making her way back toward the top.

The opposite end of the roof joined with the tower itself, with several small windows within easy reach. Loki climbed through first, wriggling through and falling to the ground with a heavy thud. He could hear Leah laughing as she climbed in after, and he watched as she landed no more gracefully.

"Watch the drop. It's a big one," Loki warned after she'd already hit the ground.

"Thanks," Leah said. She climbed to her feet and followed Loki as he carefully walked across the dusty room to the door.

The room wasn't empty, but it had been long unused. Crates and boxes were piled high, covered in old sheets and a heavy layer of dust and grime.

"Everything they've stolen, no doubt," Loki said.

Leah peered under one of the sheets and nodded. "They probably couldn't find a black market for old guards' uniforms," she said.

Loki quickly turned round and pulled away one of the sheets, immediately wishing he hadn't. He choked on the dust that sprang up, having to lean against the pile of crates to keep his balance. When he finally regained control of himself, he looked into the top crate and pulled out a feather hat.

"Oh, look at this!" he said, holding it up. It was a gold and white pointed cap with a small brim, and several large blue feathers stuck in the band. The feathers were bent and crumpled, but still all in one piece, and it was enough to make Loki decide that he'd rather wear that. He took off his horned diadem and hooked it into his belt by his dagger, and replaced it with the feathered cap.

"How do I look?" he asked, adjusting the hat on his brow.

"No more ridiculous than usual," Leah said.

Loki chose to ignore the implications there and turned back toward the door. "Once we get to the stairs, the rest will be easy. Just a quick climb to the highest room in the tallest tower."

He tried to make it sound fun, but even he knew it would be torment. Still, he pulled the door open and peered out, finding the curved corridor empty.

"Is it just me, or has this been suspiciously easy so far?" he asked.

Leah pushed Loki's feathers out of the way to look out as well. "Aside from the almost drowning, and almost falling, you mean?"

"Yes, aside from that."

They stepped out to the corridor and slowly walked along the inner wall. "Yes it has," Leah agreed. She looked back, expecting to find someone patrolling the corridor, but the only sounds at all were their own footsteps.

The outer wall of the corridor was lined with small chambers. There were no windows, leaving the corridor dark and still. The only light that shone was that which escaped from the gaps beneath the doors. There was only one door on the inner wall, and Loki was beginning to think they'd missed it when they finally found it. Leah pulled it open and the two of them peeked through the small gap, finding no-one on the other side. The stairwell was lit by a skylight in the roof, and wound tightly upward. There was nothing on the inside keeping a climber from falling to their death should they stumble, so Loki and Leah kept to the wall as possible as they started their ascent.

"This is the worst date ever," Loki complained.

"This isn't a date," Leah told him.

"This is the worst not-date ever," Loki said, correcting himself.

Leah looked up, trying to lean away from the wall just enough to see how far they still had to go, without losing her balance entirely. Loki stopped and did the same, and then looked down.

"We're much closer to the top than we are to the bottom, at least," he said.

"Aren't you going to offer to hold my hand again?" Leah asked him.

"Why, so you can take me with you when you fall?" Loki smirked and kept climbing, keeping a few steps behind Leah just in case either of them did stumble.

"What were you doing on Sunday?" Loki asked.

Leah shot a quick glance over her shoulder. Loki was pretty sure he saw a suspicious tilt to her mouth, but it was too dark to properly tell.

"I was having some me-time," Leah told him. "In the bath, with my StarkPad."

"Oh," Loki said. And then his brain caught up with the rest of him, while his feet suddenly decided to lag behind, and he almost did stumble. "Oh! Uh. Right."

"Don't fall," said Leah, almost sounding like she was enjoying herself.

Loki looked down at his feet to make sure they were still working. When he looked up again, he found his gaze gravitating toward Leah.

"And stop staring at my ass, Laufeyson," Leah said.

"Okay." Loki looked at a point above Leah's head, since that seemed safe enough.

Leah laughed, though Loki wasn't sure what was so funny all of a sudden. The stairwell suddenly felt too warm, even with the breeze that came through the skylight.

"Look, I think this is the last one," Leah said. She stopped on the landing and tried to push the door open, but it was locked.

"Here, look out," Loki said. He carefully nudged in close and pulled out his lock picking kit. A moment later, he thought better of it and put the kit back on his belt.

"We'll do it the other way," he said. He ducked down to peer through the lock, able to see the vague shadows of objects on the other side. There were no lights on the other side, but the two of them were glad to leave the perilous stairwell for the unknown darkness.

The tower's tallest room was circular, and was the only room on that level. There was no curved corridor to grope around until they found a door. Only more locked boxes and chests and various treasures left out for an unwitting burglar to trip over.

"Loki, something's wrong," Leah warned, staying near the door.

"You're right," Loki agreed. "It's far too dark in here."

He snapped his fingers and summoned a light, allowing him to search through the treasures in the room with relative ease. The room wasn't organised in any visible way, with everything seeming like it had just been placed in the first empty spot. Loki had some idea of what he was looking for though, and soon found exactly what he was looking for.

"Aha!" he called out.

Leah stepped closer, but not close enough to leave the light from the stairwell. "You found it?" she asked.

Loki pulled a pair of black leather boots from the box and sat down on the floor. "Would you like a pair? I'm sure they have some in your size."

Leah gaped at him while he pulled off the boots he was wearing and put on the pair he was in the process of stealing. "Are you serious? What is wrong with you?" she demanded.

Loki scoffed. "I have needed new shoes for a year," he said. "And these ones are so much better. You can actually climb up waterfalls and rainbows and whatever you want." Loki could barely climb a ladder in the pair he'd been doing a good job at wearing down to nothing. The soles were worn smooth and thin, and he was pretty sure both the heels were dangerously close to having holes worn through them.

He threw his old boots into the box and walked back over toward the door. "Let's go find that crown now."

Leah huffed indignantly and shoved him away. "Next time just go to Hot Topic like everyone else."

"My car is in a ditch, and the nearest mall with a Hot Topic is in Shawnee. I'm not going to walk to Shawnee," Loki argued. He shooed her away from the door and started back down the stairs.

"You can teleport. Why do you even need a car?" Leah asked. Loki was actually surprised she was following after him.

He shrugged. "That's what Midgardian teens do. They get a car and go to the mall to ignore their friends in favour of their smartphones."

"You're not Midgardian."

Loki tried to turn round to look back at Leah, but he nearly stepped right off the stairs. He quickly caught his balance, but decided to keep his attention on where he was going.

"No, but. Neither are you, but I've seen you hanging around with those high school girls. The ones with the fetching black eye make-up." For a while, it had struck Loki as odd that Leah would talk to anyone other than him. But then he realised that not everybody went out of their way to avoid their peers in the name of not getting randomly punched. "What do you even talk about?"

"The idiot boys in our lives who drive us all crazy," Leah said.

Loki grinned. "You talk about me to your friends?"

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "That's one way of putting it."

"Does that mean I'm your—"

"No," Leah said before he could even finish.

"Fine." Loki focused on taking the stairs all the way to the bottom of the tower. At the landing, the space opened up to a wide hall, which looked just as empty and deserted as the tower itself had.

"Where are we going, Loki?" asked Leah.

Loki chewed on his tongue while he considered that very question. "The throne room, I think," he said. "It's always guarded, even when Halfi isn't in there. If I were hiding an evil crown of power, that's where I'd put it."

He nodded toward the nearest window and jogged over to it. It opened out to an overgrown little garden. He pulled himself up onto the ledge and looked out at the short drop to the ground.

"Come on," he said, before swinging his legs over and hopping outside. He waited for Leah, watching as she climbed onto the ledge to follow him out. She froze suddenly and looked over her shoulder at something Loki couldn't see. But he could hear it. Someone shouting, and two someones running.

"Damn!" Leah said as she jumped out of the window.

She and Loki ran across the garden, gaining distance while the guards struggled to climb through the window. They leapt over a tangled hedgerow and crouched behind it, hoping that in the dark, the guards would just run right past them.

"Loki," Leah hissed.

Before Loki could ask what had annoyed her this time, she snatched the feathered hat off his head and threw it to the ground. The guards ran past them, but only by a few paces before one of them turned around.

"There they are!" he shouted.

"Time for running!" Loki shouted back.

He grabbed Leah's wrist and pulled her to her feet as he picked a random direction to run. The garden was enclosed only by a short balustrade, which they leapt over easily to get to the main road. As they ran down it, lights in windows began to flicker on, with the occasional curious face peering out at them.

"I think we're becoming Alfheim's Most Wanted," Loki said as he turned a sharp corner down a narrow street.

"Whose fault is that?" Leah asked.

"Mine. Sorry." He dared a glance back, annoyed to find the guards still chasing them. "Oh, just give up already!" he shouted at them.

One of the guards raised his bow and loosed an arrow, catching Loki in the shoulder.

"Not fair!" Loki stumbled from the indignation of being shot, and reached back to break the shaft so it wasn't in his way.

"Loki!" Leah shot a glance over her shoulder to the pursuing guards, and then pushed Loki through an open doorway along the road. The building was large and airy, but the air inside was thick and heavy with dust. It was an old storeroom of sorts, but for what, Loki couldn't tell. It was too dark, and he was too preoccupied to care.

Large bay doors opened out over the edge of Aingard's bridge, leaving an unguarded drop to the river below. There were no windows, nor any other doors that he could see. As the guards approached, blocking the only other exit, Loki groaned and turned to Leah.

"I'm sorry," he said. He picked her up, ignoring the pain in his shoulder and dropped her into the river below.

"Loki, you bastard!" Leah shouted.

Loki ignored it and turned to face the guards, raising his hands above his shoulders.

"Gentlemen. Perhaps we can work something out, just between the three of us," he said. He smiled hopefully at them, but felt that hope fade at the way the guards laughed.

One of the guards waved his hand and stalked toward Loki as the other broke away and wandered off to the far wall. Loki took a step back, trying to put some distance between himself and the guard, but the guard closed the distance just as quickly.

"I think we can work something out," said the guard. "I think we can work it out so you never step foot on this, or any other realm again, and we get a reward for making that happen."

Loki took another step back, away from the guard and the bay door. He could have easily leapt out the same way he sent Leah, but it would have felt too much like giving up.

"Yes, let's work on that," he said. "I was just sent here for one little thing, and once I've had it, you will see no more of me."

"I like that," said the guard.

Loki didn't see the other one in the shadows, and had little time to react when he was grabbed from behind. Suddenly, both guards were on him, forcing him toward the centre of the room. As they wrenched his arms about, the arrow in his shoulder dug in anew, but he tried not to do anything quite so unmanly as screaming about it. Even if he did want to. Badly.

"You're making a terrible mistake," Loki said, trying to fight against them. But they were bigger than he was, and there were two of them, making it a terribly unfair fight.

"I don't think we are." The elves lifted him off the ground and forced him down onto his back. Loki tried to roll away, but found himself rather unable to. He was confined on all sides, but it wasn't until the lid shut over him that he realised he'd been stuffed into a large box. One of the guards shoved a knife under the lid, bending the blade so it couldn't be pulled out. It left a small gap for air to get in, at least. He wouldn't suffocate, so there was one small mercy.

He heard the locks clicking shut and began thrashing against the sides of the chest with all his strength, but there was little room to move or gain any kind of momentum. He tried to avoid the knife

"You can't just leave me here!" he shouted.

"You're right."

Suddenly, he felt the chest being picked up, and realised exactly what was about to happen. He started thrashing about again, ignoring his shoulder and the knife and everything else. And then suddenly everything was swinging, and then falling. When he hit the water, it was like hitting cement. His teeth clacked together and he hit his head twice, once in the front and once in the back, at the impact. But worse than anything else was the water coming in through the gap under the lid.

Loki kicked and punched with everything he had, but the lid wouldn't budge for anything.

"Loki!"

He realised he could hear splashing nearby, and was suddenly very glad he'd dropped Leah off the bridge.

"Leah, please don't let me drown! This would be a terribly embarrassing way for a god to die!" he shouted.

He could feel her tugging the chest against the current. He could also feel himself sinking as more and more water poured in from under the lid. He was surprised when everything seemed to stop, except for the water, which wasn't stopping at all.

"Leah, the knife. Get the knife!" Loki said, still kicking as hard as he could.

He couldn't see anything, but he could hear her splashing and moving outside.

"I can't. It's stuck," Leah said.

"Oh, wait." Loki twisted and shifted around, finally reaching his dagger on his belt. Not sure what else was left to do, he started stabbing wildly at the lid above him, tearing chunks and splinters out of the wood. It was already more than he expected to get. With the water rising, forcing him to sit up as much as he could, he managed to gouge a hole into the lid. The sight of the sky was enough to startle him, and he started hacking and stabbing even faster.

"Loki, look out," Leah said.

Loki lowered his dagger and tried pulling on the planks instead. Leah did the same from the outside, throwing her weight into every motion. Between the two of them, one of the planks cracked loudly, collapsing the entire lid into itself. Loki shoved the mess away and scrambled out of the chest with surprised laughter. Before he even knew what he was doing, he pulled Leah close and kissed her. It lasted only a few seconds before he came to his senses and stumbled away, turning his side to her.

"Sorry. Please keep your knees to yourself," he said.

Leah stepped toward him, making him fairly certain he was about to get kicked. Instead, she surprised him by throwing her arms around him in a desperate hug, which would have been nice if not for the arrow still in his shoulder.

"Ow, ow, no," he said as he flinched away. Suddenly his shoulder felt like it was on fire, and all he cared about was getting the arrow out of him. "We need to go. Somewhere else," he said.

Leah nodded. "Where?" she asked.

"Somewhere with a roof? Preferably nearby?" Loki said.

Leah nodded and looked around. There weren't many options for shelter nearby, and Loki wasn't sure what options there were farther away. Nothing that he could…

He cringed and pinched his nose, realising his own idiocy.

"Loki," said Leah, and he could hear that she realised it as well.

"I know," he said. "I panicked and forgot. Again." He looked up at her, glad it was dark so he didn't have to see her judging him.

"You're not human," Leah said.

"I know," Loki said, looking away again.

"You're picking up a lot of terribly bad habits from pretending you are."

"I know," he repeated. He knew she was right, too. He didn't even know why he did it at all. "Sorry."

Leah sighed deeply and slowly. They were still standing knee-deep in the river, still within sight of the bridge. It was hardly the place to be having any serious discussions.

"I need to look at your shoulder, but I can't do it here," she said finally. "I have a sewing kit at home."

Loki nodded and looked around again, trying to regain his bearings. He wasn't good enough to hop between the realms, so they'd have to get to Asgardia first.

"This way," he said, pointing. He trudged out of the water with Leah close behind him, quickly finding the path back to Asgardia once he reached the bank. Neither of them said anything on their way back to the branch of Yggdrasil they'd come from.

—

Leah had her own magic, but it was a very specific vein of magic. She couldn't travel or conjure with it, but the skills she did have were powerful and useful beyond measure.

Unfortunately, those skills did not include any of the healing arts. Loki sat on the floor without his tunic, with Leah behind him slowly trying to pull the arrow out of his shoulder without causing any more damage. Under just about any other circumstance, Loki would have been overjoyed to be in her apartment without a shirt on, but he was in far too much pain to be happy about being there.

"You're lucky he only shot you once," Leah said, slowly working the barbed arrow out.

"Yes, lucky me, for getting shot," Loki said. He hissed and flinched when Leah pulled on the arrow again. "Ow, just get it over with."

"I don't want you to bleed on my carpet," Leah said. She tugged on the arrow a few more times before it finally came loose with a tear and a pained yelp from Loki. Moving quickly, Leah pressed a damp hand towel to Loki's shoulder and reached out for the compartmented plastic box, full of coloured threads.

"Green?" she asked, prying it open with one hand.

"No, don't bother, I think," said Loki.

Leah hummed quietly and started to get up. She reached over Loki to grab his left hand and pulled it over his other shoulder so he could hold onto the hand towel.

"Stay here and don't bleed on anything," she said.

Loki flinched again, but not as hard. "Okay." He watched her walk back to the part of the apartment he was never allowed to go to, which he assumed was probably where the bedroom was. Leah was gone for only a few moments, and returned to the living room with a dark shirt and a large adhesive bandage. As she sat behind Loki again, he pulled the hand towel away and looked at it. He was bleeding more than he expected, but he still didn't think it was enough to make it anywhere near the carpet.

Leah quickly unwrapped and pressed the bandage to his skin. It was already starting to hurt less, which was a good sign that the arrow hadn't been enchanted or cursed in any way. Not being enchanted or cursed by arrows was always a good thing.

When she was done, Leah handed Loki the shirt and put her sewing kit on the table on her way to the sofa. Loki started to put the shirt on, but stopped and pulled it away to look at it. It had Iron Man's arc reactor printed on the front, with the words I AM IRON MAN on the back.

"It glows in the dark," Leah said.

Loki frowned at it. "Why do you have it?" he asked. He gingerly pulled it on and looked down at the arc reactor on his chest.

"I like Iron Man," Leah said with a smirk and a shrug.

It was the last thing Loki expected her to say. "Why?"

"Have you seen him?" asked Leah.

"Ah." Loki considered this. He'd seen Iron Man, both in and out of the armour suit, around Asgardia rather frequently over the years, and the only thing he really noticed was his ridiculous choice in facial hair.

"Not really my type. I don't like people with beards," Loki said. He shifted on the floor and leaned back on his elbows, watching Leah form some sinister though.

"Of course. I've seen the way you look at Daimon. You've even stopped pestering him about wearing a shirt," she said.

Loki laughed and rubbed his eye. He hadn't even noticed he'd stopped, but of course Leah did. "Yeah, I would ride him into the sunset if he let me," he admitted.

"Not if I get to him first, mister."

They both laughed easily. Biting his lip, Loki lay back and rested his head on his hands. "It's a race, is it?" he asked.

Leah laughed again. "Race? No, I'll fight you for him," she said.

Loki snorted. "Then I've already lost. You'll win. You're mean when you fight," he said. He sighed deeply as he looked up at the swirling patterns on the ceiling. He looked for any hidden images in them, but all he saw was plaster and paint smeared around in an attempt to look artistic. It was almost disappointing.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened? In the river?" Leah asked.

Loki sat up just enough to look at her, for a moment surprised to see something that almost looked like concern. And then he realised she was probably just sick of waiting, and he sat up all the way.

"I don't know," he said honestly. He'd not given it much thought, because he still couldn't believe he'd been stuffed into the damned thing to begin with. "I'd tried just about everything to get into one of them. It was suspiciously easy to…"

He stopped, realising exactly what he was about to say, and not sure if saying it aloud would jinx him.

"What?" asked Leah, and now she did look concerned.

"Elven magic always has loopholes," said Loki. He leapt to his feet and made quick tracks to the window. He wasn't sure what he expected to see, but nothing looked out of the ordinary. Leah's apartment had a stunning view of Asgardia in the distance, almost glowing in the setting sun. Nothing seemed like impending war or doom or destruction, which meant either Halfi hadn't tried to use Loki's possible drowning to start a war, or no-one in Asgardia cared enough to bother.

He wasn't sure which option was more insulting.

"I broke out," Loki said. He turned back to Leah, suddenly far more elated than the situation called for. "That's how they did it! The crown. That's how they took it! Come on. We have to go back!"

"Right now?" asked Leah, even as she stood. Loki was already making a dash for the door, and stopped to turn to her.

"I'm pretty sure they think I'm dead, so they probably won't expect it," he said with a shrug.

"Do you want to change first?" Leah asked.

Loki looked down at the printed arc reactor on his chest and shrugged. "Not enough time. This will do."

Before Leah could ask anything else, he let himself out and ran down the old cement stairs three at a time. Leah was a little more slow, taking the time to make sure her door was locked before following after.


	3. Chapter 3

They crept through the heavy undergrowth along the bank, alert for any sign of movement elsewhere. It was still a few hours before dawn, but the city was already starting to wake in places. Shop keepers getting ready for the day, and guards being relieved of their duty all walked the streets as they would on any other day.

Loki crouched down low with his hand pressed over his chest. Ordinarily, he'd trust his concealment spell to hide them without worry, but he wasn't sure if the spell he used was strong enough to hide the glowing arc reactor printed like a target on his shirt.

"We're going to do this right this time," he said, watching the guards at the gate take their positions.

"So you agree that last time was idiotic?" asked Leah.

"No." He looked over, surprised to find her so close to him.

"Then what was it?" she asked.

Loki frowned and shrugged a few times before admitting, "Showing off."

Even in the dark, he could see Leah roll her eyes.

Loki peeked under his hand and found his shirt still glowing bright blue. "The throne room's going to be lit up, so we shouldn't have to worry about being seen," he said, sincerely hoping he was right about that.

"You still think the crown is in the throne room?" asked Leah. She leaned a little more closely and looked through the tall grass at the gate.

"Of course it's in the throne room. What do you want if it's not?" asked Loki.

The look Leah gave him was almost impressed. "Okay." She leaned even closer and wrapped her arms around Loki's neck, gripping his shirt tightly.

"Hold your breath. It helps," Loki said.

Leah nodded and breathed in deeply. Loki wrapped his free arm around Leah's shoulders and held her close. He'd been in Halfi's throne room before, which would make this easier, but he still wasn't good enough for it to be truly easy. It was only truly easy when he could see where he was going, but he did not have that luxury. He took a deep, calming breath of his own before reaching out with his magic and pulling himself to the throne room.

Leah tensed beside him as they moved, one moment by the riverbank, and the next inside the palace with a dozen guards all within shouting distance. Loki brought them right to the centre of the room, perfectly visible from the door where two guards stood. But not visible to the guards themselves. They didn't react at all to the entrance, and for that, Loki allowed himself to relax. He nudged Leah toward the wall, quick to get as far away from the guards just in case. But even as they moved, the guards didn't react at all. Loki grinned to himself, pleased with the results of all his practise with stealing food from the kitchens.

"When you're ready," Loki whispered as quietly as he could.

Nodding, Leah stepped along the wall with both her hands held out, feeling the air around her for whatever she could find. Loki stayed close to her and watched, biting his thumbnail nervously. For the first time, he acknowledged the possibility that he may have been wrong, and that Halfi would have kept the crown elsewhere. That it was Halfi who had ordered it stolen was no question, but maybe he wasn't as predictable as Loki had thought.

Leah was slow to move through the room, sometimes stopping to double check something that caught her attention. She began focusing on the throne itself — shaped from a still-growing tree along the back wall of the room — but even after circling the ridiculous thing three times, seemed no closer to finding anything.

Finally, Loki lost his patience. His attention flickered between the guards by the door and the faint pink and orange glow coming in through the tall windows that lined the room.

"Leah," he said.

"It's here," she said, frustration heavy on her voice. "I just…"

"I'm getting very tired," Loki warned.

Leah stopped what she was doing to give Loki a nervous look. She nodded without saying anything and resumed her search, getting down to the ground to search the tree's roots more closely.

"I think—"

Before she got any farther, the doors opened from the corridor outside. Halfi walked in with several noblemen in attendance, talking angrily about the events of the night. Under different circumstances, Loki might have been pleased. He and Leah both scrambled to hide behind the throne, crouching down as close to the ground as they could.

"Hel," Loki hissed.

He peeked around the throne just enough to get a brief look at Halfi. He almost expected to see him wearing the crown, but the one on his brow was the same golden crown he'd worn before.

"Loki," Leah whispered desperately.

Loki shook his head and shrugged as he crept back behind the throne. The ground was uneven and hard, with the roots of the tree twisting and bending over one another. Loki's hand slipped into a gap between the roots, nearly making him fall on his face. He bit back a curse and stiffened, forcing his spell to hold and ignoring the headache blossoming behind his eyes.

He felt it just as he started to pull his hand away. It wasn't a physical sensation, but something more visceral. He grabbed Leah's wrist and slipped her hand into the gap. Her eyes widened suddenly, and Loki knew at once that they'd found what they were looking for. Loki reached into the gap again, fishing around for the physical object containing the magic that was radiating through the entire room. The gap in the roots opened up to a much larger space below the tree, but Loki couldn't feel anything in it. He thought he might have been able to shrink himself down, and he would have done if he were alone. But his grip on the concealment spell was tenuous at best, and would surely break the second he focused on any other magic.

Something beneath the tree scraped his arm hard enough that he thought it might have drawn blood. Loki hissed sharply, and immediately wished he hadn't. The room around them went completely silent for a few terrifyingly tense moments.

"Get them!" Halfi ordered suddenly.

"Odin damn it!" Loki shouted as he heard the guards running across the throne room.

Loki thrust his arm further into the gap and pressed his elbow painfully against the roots. Finally, he felt something at his fingertips. He scrabbled quickly for it, getting a weak grip on it. Not keen on finding out what would happen if they stuck around, he grabbed Leah's arm with his free hand and reached out for the riverbank. This time, the pull was harder, and he felt his magic flicker and wane before feeling the ground beneath his feet again. He missed the bank, bringing them back into the river once more. The water was barely to their knees, but they hadn't the time to appreciate small mercies. Already, archers were loosing arrows from the bridge. Loki and Leah rushed for the bank as quickly as the swift current would allow them, with arrows landing in the water just inches away from them.

Once up on the bank, Leah ran back toward the branch of Yggdrasil that would return them to Asgardia, but Loki turned instead to face the archers.

"You're all terrible shots!" he shouted.

One of the archers loosed an arrow that flew straight for Loki's head. He had no time to run, and instead flinched and hid behind his hands. He felt the impact of the arrow go straight to his shoulders, but it wasn't until he opened his eyes to look that he realised he was still holding the small chest he'd found beneath Halfi's throne. Laughing at it and the archers, Loki turned to run after Leah. By the time he caught up with her, he could hear the pounding hoof beats of horses on the bridge behind them.

"Sorry for all the running!" Loki said, looking back and wishing he hadn't. There were six riders behind them, though at least they had swords rather than bows.

"Shut up and keep running," Leah told him.

They left the path and cut through the forest. There were more of the impossibly vibrant flowery plants away from the path, and as they passed a particularly large one, Loki slashed at it with his dagger. He hadn't actually expected anything to happen until he heard the horse closest on their heels whinny and its rider scream. Loki looked back, startled to see the plant had opened up and attacked rider and horse alike with thorny vines from its centre.

"Oh, gods, they actually eat people," Loki said, not sure if it was hilarious or terrifying.

"Running away," Leah reminded him.

They cut back onto the path as it entered the meadow. The passage back to Asgardia was marked by a small runestone along the path, easy to miss unless you knew to spot it. At the stone, Loki and Leah leapt off the path again, barely catching Yggdrasil's branch on the other side. They dangled over the edge of Asgardia, with Oklahoma far below them. Loki gave Leah his best apologetic look before dropping off. He knew it was going to hurt when he landed, but even that, he managed to under-estimate slightly. He fell to the ground hard enough to clack his teeth together so hard he was sure they'd all cracked and that every one of his bones had dislocated itself at the impact. He was just about to tell Leah not to jump when she landed beside him and rolled onto her back.

"Watch your landing," he said flatly.

Leah punched him in the arm, but Loki knew he deserved it, so he ignored it completely.

"That better be it," Leah said.

Loki craned his neck up to look at the small chest. "If it's not, I'll punch myself." He meant it. He'd even make sure it hurt.

The two of them stayed in the dry, scratchy grass until long after the sun finally dipped all the way below the mountains, casting the whole of Broxton and the surrounding farmland in shadow. Loki looked up at Asgardia, floating impossibly above the ground. The underside of the city was jagged rock and packed dirt, like a small, inverted mountain. But there was no ugly gouge in the ground below, where Asgardia had risen from. Nothing to show that Asgardia had been risen from the ground itself. Sometimes, Loki even wondered how.

Looking up at Asgardia in the last rays of light, all Loki thought about was fallen Asgard, and where it had once been. It was easier to hide then, away from people who hated him for the crime of existing. But perhaps they had been right to hate him. What had he ever done, besides crimes he couldn't even remember committing?

"The only crime here is your self-pity," Ikol said, fluttering over from wherever he had been hiding.

Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Shut. Up," he said. "I do not wish to hear it."

"Loki?" Leah asked next to him.

He'd forgotten she was even there, and sighed again. "You're right. He is just in my head."

"The bird," said Leah. It sounded almost like a question, but Loki knew it wasn't.

"But he's not imaginary." Loki watched Leah sit up and wondered why he was even telling her this. It was just going to frighten her. Or worse, make her laugh at him.

Ikol was gone again, of course. He always disappeared whenever he was being talked about. It had been Loki's first clue, way back at the very beginning.

"I thought I'd been the one to find him. And I think that's what he wanted me to think. But he made it so I went to him and let him in. Or perhaps just released him. I'm not sure which possibility I fancy less." Loki looked away again, down at the grass blowing gently in the wind. He expected to maybe see some ants, or maybe a worm, but it was just grass and dirt.

"Who, Loki?" Leah asked.

Loki smiled despite himself.

"Loki," he said. "He whispers to me. I have none of his memories, so he shares with me that which I need to know." He looked back up at Leah briefly, before diverting his gaze again. She was looking at him so intently, like he was the most important thing in the realms just then. Under any other circumstance, it would have been exactly what he'd always wanted. As it was, he felt like he was on trial.

"He wants to take over," Loki said. "To kill me and take my place."

A long, heavy silence hung between them. Loki wasn't sure what else to say. He wasn't even sure why he'd said what he had.

"Loki," Leah said cautiously.

"You can't tell anyone," Loki said. He sat up quickly, looking straight at Leah for the first time during their conversation. "Least of all Thor. Please, he can't know. Not yet. Maybe not ever."

"Loki, someone should know. Someone who can help," said Leah.

Loki started to argue, but stopped before the words even formed. "You believe me?" he asked.

"I've been listening to you carry on a one-sided conversation for years. Even then, I don't think you're as insane as you pretend to be," Leah said. She even sounded honest, which made Loki laugh. Something about the conversation had become strangely funny, and Loki wasn't even sure why.

"I've never told anyone that," he said, sobering. "Seriously, no-one can know. It's exactly the sort of excuse half of Asgardia have been waiting for, so they can flay me in my sleep."

"Okay," said Leah. Loki wasn't sure why, but he trusted her. It was probably terribly stupid, and about to lead to much physical pain in his future, but he wanted to trust her.

She reached out for the chest and picked it up, looking at the arrow that still stuck out of the front. "Is this it?" she asked.

"I don't know," Loki said. He took the chest from her and pulled the arrow out. "Let's find out."

The chest wasn't terribly heavy, but it was heavier than it should have been. He gave it an experimental shake, and could feel something moving around inside. Something solid and sturdy. He tapped his thumb against the lid as he considered his options, trying to decide which would be the least-painful.

"I think, if I were going to steal something from a magical chest that can't be broken into," he said to himself, still trying to determine exactly what he should do.

He sat up on his knees and put the chest down on the ground beside Leah. Moving to his hands and knees, he bent down to peer into the single lock on the front, finding only darkness.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'd do," he decided.

His former self had been a master shape-shifter, able to take just about any form imaginable. Loki hadn't managed anything near as complicated yet, but he had rather mastered the art of making himself very small. He took several deep breaths and willed himself to change. It all happened very quickly, and suddenly Asgardia seemed a lot higher up. Loki chuckled nervously to himself and examined the chest once more. When he stood again, the lock was at eye-level, still making this stunt potentially very painful. He'd several times teleported and shadow-walked into an unfamiliar place and collided with someone or something in the most painful way. If the chest had more inside it than he hoped it did, he could be experiencing rather a lot of pain very soon.

He tried not to think about it as he peered into the lock once more. The point of true black was easy to find, and soon, Loki let himself get pulled through it. There was some resistance, as if some force was fighting against him. Suddenly, the resistance shot through him like electricity, stinging his every nerve and breaking his concentration. He reeled back and fell on the dirt, just about ready to give up on the whole thing.

"What happened?" asked Leah.

Loki looked up at her and shrugged. He doubted she'd be able to hear him unless he shouted, so he didn't even bother. He got back up and reached for his dagger, having half a mind to just start stabbing at it until it let him in. As he glared at the lock, he changed his mind and grabbed his phone instead. He was rather surprised to find it still working at all after being shrunken down, but he decided not to question it. He quickly turned on the flashlight and shined it into the lock. If he was very lucky, he might have been able to see exactly what mechanism needed to be picked to let him in.

Instead, the light shone straight through the lock, and illuminated the back of the chest. It took several long moments for Loki to realise what he was seeing and what it meant, but as soon as he did, he turned off the light on his phone and shrunk himself even further. The strain of it was beginning to get distracting and almost painful, causing him to nearly miss grabbing onto the edge of the keyhole before it was too late. He pulled himself up and very carefully walked straight through the lock.

This time, nothing resisted. Nothing pushed him back or tried to electrocute him from the inside. He dropped down from the lock onto the velvet cushion that lined the inside of the chest, laughing with surprise. The elves had poured endless magic into the wood and steel of the chest, but had not managed to figure out how to protect the small gap in material that made up the keyhole.

He turned on his phone's light one more time and shined it around. There was a crown in the chest with him, elegant and gleaming, forged of the purest silver. There wasn't anything outwardly evil-looking about it; no spikes or thorns or anything. It had a single, sharp point at the front, with runes and knots etched into its band.

Loki had never seen the Skullgaffer's Crown itself, but he was positive this was it. He pulled his dagger from his belt and changed his size again so he had more than a tiny little needle to do his work. The dagger was still quite small at this size, but it would do. He turned it in his hand and began hacking and stabbing at the side of the chest, tearing out large splinters of wood until he'd made a hole in the wood, several inches across. Not wanting to see the damage he'd done to his blade, Loki re-sheathed it and teleported out of the chest, returning to his natural size at the same time. Without wasting any time, he picked up the chest again and started pulling it apart at the hole he'd made. It still resisted him, until he took his dagger again and stabbed it through, using it to break even larger pieces from the side. Finally, whatever magic that had been holding the chest together gave way, and Loki was able to tear it apart with his hands. He let the crown fall to the ground, backing away from it as quickly as possible.

"Is that it?" asked Leah.

"I think so," Loki said.

He put his dagger and phone aside and looked down at the crown, gleaming even in the dark. Leah reached out for the crown and held it by her fingertips as she examined it.

"I expected it to look…"

"More evil?" Loki asked, watching her to see what she'd do.

"Yes, exactly." Without warning, she put it on her head, tilting it to the left just a little bit. "How do I look?"

"Uh." Loki was certain something terrible and evil was supposed to happen, but nothing did. He didn't feel any different than he usually did. No more compelled to do her bidding than he'd felt only moments before. But she wasn't a queen. She had no-one under her rule. So why should it work?

"Lovely," Loki found himself saying. He wasn't sure why he'd said that. He hadn't meant to say anything at all. "Oh." He looked away suddenly

Leah seemed to realise at the same moment he did. Biting her lip, she took off and turned it over in her hands. Loki watched her carefully, suddenly very nervous about having that crown anywhere nearby. When Leah started to lean toward him, he backed away quickly and held out his hands.

"No. No, no. Don't do that," he said. "I have an evil bird that lives in my head and tells me what to do. I am the last person you want to be in possession of a crown of power."

Leah laughed and sat back again. "I suppose you're right. Shall I hold onto it, then?"

"That might be best," said Loki. He looked back up at Asgardia, certain that anyone who might have followed them from Alfheim must have gone back home by then. "I suppose we should go return it to the All-mother. Before one of us does something stupid."

Leah looked down at the crown again and nodded. "That's probably best," she agreed.

Loki quickly picked up his things, electing to leave the mangled chest on the ground. It was useless now, to himself or anyone else who found it. With his dagger sheathed and his phone tucked safely away, he nodded for Leah to follow him up to Asgardia.

Asgardia was quiet as they walked through the streets, slowly making their way to to the All-mother. Every so often, they would pass someone who was glaring at them, and Loki would grin and wave to make them glare even harder.

"We still never got to go to that ale house," Loki lamented. "I promise, one of these days. You won't regret it."

"I'm starting to think you're making it up," said Leah.

"Me? Never," Loki said, pretending to be offended. He hadn't actually been there himself, nor was he even sure that everything he'd claimed had been true. But the more he talked about it, the more he wanted to go just to see.

"I don't make things up. I embellish," he said.

"That's a fancy word for making things up," Leah told him.

"Perhaps." He grinned at her as they rounded the corner to the path that led to the throne room. Loki stopped at the tall doors, peeking around to look in. The room was empty aside from three figures up on the dais, standing close to one another.

"Come in, Loki," Freyja said. "Enough of this skulking in shadows like a criminal."

Loki almost pointed out that he was a criminal, but managed to keep that thought to himself. He walked inside, standing straight and cocky, with Leah right beside him.

"All-mother," he said as he approached the dais. Loki stopped a few steps away and held his hand out to Leah. "We bring you one crown of power and corruption, ready to be locked away where no-one shall ever find it."

Leah stepped forward and presented the crown to the All-mother. Idunn took it from her, holding it not like the powerful relic it was, but like it was a cheap piece of costume jewellery.

"You removed it from its chest," Gaea said, frowning subtly at it.

"Well, yes," said Loki. "We only wanted to be certain we had it. Honest." He held up his hand like he'd seen mortals do when swearing in court. "No foul play was intended or enacted."

"It will have to be moved. Placed somewhere far from Asgardia and Midgard," said Freyja. She looked down at Loki, as if studying him. Loki grinned back.

"King Halfi sent his men to discuss a burglary that occurred in his kingdom," Freyja continued. "They say the humans have declared war by stealing from the king."

Loki frowned. "The humans have not the means to travel to Alfheim," he said.

"No," Freyja agreed. "But they say there were witnesses. Iron Man himself was seen in Aingard only hours ago. Why do you think they would say such things?"

It was not what he expected Freyja to say. He hadn't seen Iron Man anywhere on Alfheim while they were there. He looked down, catching the sight of the printed arc reactor on his chest.

"I have no idea," he said with a dramatic shrug. He could hear Leah trying not to laugh, and found himself wanting to laugh as well. "Elves say all manner of strange things when they don't get their way. You know how they are."

Freyja looked less than impressed. "Indeed," she said. "We appreciate you returning this artifact to us, Loki. Now go, we have matters to discuss."

Loki inclined his head and took a step back. "Of course," he said. He turned to leave, taking only a few steps before Freyja called him back.

"And Loki," she said.

He turned back round and clasped his hands behind his back. "Yes, Mother?" he asked.

"Do not wear that shirt again. You may think it amusing, but wars have been started over less," Freyja sad.

Loki nodded. "Yes, Mother. Of course." He turned to leave again, walking as quickly as he could without looking like he was hurrying. Leah caught up with him, her hand covering her mouth as she tried not to laugh. As soon as they were out of the throne room, they both dissolved into a peal of laughter.

"Is that how it always goes?" Leah asked.

Loki shook his head. "More or less," he said. "You should see them after I've failed or messed up whatever mission they've sent me on. Those meetings sometimes take hours."

He smiled over at her, and was surprised when she smiled back.

"I have the iGame of Thrones/i finale on my laptop," Loki said before he could stop himself. "I won't even talk through it."

Leah stopped and looked at him. It was the same look she gave him whenever she caught him saying something blatantly false.

"I don't want to have sex," she said.

"I know," Loki said quickly. "I want to watch it, and you haven't seen it yet. It's just an offer. You can say no."

"I wasn't saying no. I'm just telling you what to expect," Leah said.

Loki had to stop himself from bouncing on his heels. "Okay," he said.

They started walking again, turning in the direction of Loki's room. He was almost afraid to say anything else, in case Leah decided to change her mind.

"You know," Leah said suddenly, making Loki's heart drop. "I haven't seen last week's episode either."

Loki grinned widely. "I have that one too. We can watch them both."

They walked to Loki's room, finding it the disaster he'd left it in after Thor's visit. Thori was asleep on the pile of laundry in the corner, blowing out little puffs of smoke as he snored. At least it was the dirty laundry.

"Sorry. Thor and I were trying to find a way to break into the chest," Loki said.

Leah stepped over a pile of books and walked to pick up Loki's chest from the bed, while Loki untangled his laptop cord. Wall sockets and electricity were one of the gifts from Tony Stark when Asgardia was last rebuilt, but most people still preferred the old ways. Loki took advantage of every modern convenience available.

"What do you keep in this?" Leah asked, turning over the chest in her hands.

Loki bit his lip and raised his eyebrows, not sure if answering her question would annoy her.

"Uh. Toys," he said, looking back down at the mess of cord in his hands.

Leah dropped the chest onto the bed. "Oh."

"You asked," Loki pointed out. He set the laptop on the edge of the bed and set up a playlist in his video player, so the second episode would play directly after the first.

He moved over to the far side of the bed, leaving plenty of space between himself and Leah. Leah pulled off her boots before getting comfortable, lying back so they could both see the screen. She reached out and tapped the space bar, starting the video, and looked back over her shoulder at Loki.

"No talking. Or I'm kicking you out," she warned.

"Okay," Loki said.

Loki wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he awoke sharply at the sounds of someone opening his door. He reached for his dagger, still at his hip, as the door was pushed open, and got ready to defend himself against whatever attacker thought to break into his room.

He was surprised to find it was only Thor.

"Go away," Loki hissed as he shoved his dagger back into its sheath.

Thor's attention fell to Leah, still asleep on top of the blankets. "Tomorrow. We'll talk then," he said.

Loki pulled off one of his boots and threw it at Thor. Chuckling at something he no doubt found hilarious, Thor ducked out of the room again and shut the door. Loki shook his head and reached out to close his laptop before pulling off his other boot and lying back down. He sighed deeply and tried to burrow into his pillows, but it didn't exactly work. Especially with someone taking up half his bed.

But somehow he found, he didn't mind that nearly as much as he thought he would.


End file.
